When an author gets bored
by Golden boomers
Summary: Starlight is a helpless man who just got kicked out of his parents house. Now he must go on an adventure to find his way back home.
1. Chapter 1

When a Author gets bored

Chapter 1

"And so our story begins. . "

Once upon a time, in a far away kingdom known as 'Equestria.' There was a man at the age of 23 who was finally convinced to get off his ass and make something of himself.

This is were his tale begins.

[hr]

[b]Equestria

10 / 8 / 1857

Starlight Destructor[/b]

It was a peaceful morning in the little town of Ponyville, a man laying on a rocket ship bed was currently enjoying the latest video gaming experience. Which he payed for . . . Which His [i]dad[/i] paid for with his hard earned money.

He pressed a series of buttons and executed the finishing move on the game's final boss. The pixel character on the screen jumped high in the sky and landed with a fatal force, blowing pixelated alien chunks all over the spaceship they were fighting on.

The ending was rumored to have good ol' fashioned pixel nudity in it, one could call it a [i]reward [/I] fit for a hero. After all, he did spend hours of his life retrying levels over and over again, purely for the sake of achieving the Ultimate Ending.

Aka- Pixel boobies!

As the credits revealed the hero walking into the princesses room, the man grew excited and sat up. The hero pushed the door open and then-

"GOD DAMMIT STARLIGHT! Get off your damn video game and do something!"

Then the man's angry father bursted in, scaring the living shit outa the man. . . Who promptly threw his gaming device at the old man. The device flew through the air and slammed into the face of the old man with a incredibly strong amount of force.

Okay, that didn't happen. The throw was so laughably weak, the old man's arched brow was capable to deflecting the throw with a well timed frown.

The old man grew even more furious. "You're a disgrace to the Destructor name! You have done nothing in your life that's even worth mentioning! You're a failure!"

The 23 year old man sat against the wall and looked at his father, he smirked and struck a pose.

"Why dear father, I'm simply conserving my energy for the future!" The young man sounded so confident.

"Well the future is now! So get off yer fucking ass and do something! Get laid or get a job for fucks sake!" The old man threw his arms in the air, a frustrated look on his face.

The young man ceased his smirk and studied his father, who only got more angry at the lack of answers his useless son was giving him. The old man finally decided to do something the son never considered. . . Take his gaming device.

The old man bent down and snatched the device, he took one look at the screen then looked at his son. "What the hell is this!?" The young man's heart stopped as his father turned the screen and revealed a very. . Pixelated sex scene.

The hero was currently ramming his carrot inside the princess. No seriously, the hero was fucking the princess with a huge carrot.

Dead serious.

The young man froze and stared into the air. The father's brain turned some gears and he came up with a conclusion.

"You masterbate to this shit?" The old man observed the screen some more.

"W-w-what!? No! Fuck no!" The young man froze up and found himself incapable of making a excuse.

"Hmm . ." The old man grumbled.

The young man awkwardly stared at his father, who was watching the pixelated princess get fucked with two carrots. He coughed and scratched his head, trying his best to ignore the audio the device emitted.

"That's it, no more games for you." The old man announced.

The old man held no expression as he left the room, the young man hopped from his bed and followed him. The two walked through the halls and down the stairs and then onto the front yard. The old man tossed the device on the ground, he ordered his son to leave it alone as he walked to the barn.

He returned moments later with a strange looking device and a circular object, the young man questioned his father.

"What is that father?" He asked.

"This, my useless child, is a AA-12, though I wouldn't expect you to know what it is." The old man scowled at his son.

The old man inserted the circular object into the AA-12 and pulled a little stick back. He promptly aimed the AA-12 at his gaming device.

The ignorant young man simply stood there and wondered as to what was about to happen.

"What are you doin-"

[b]*BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM*[/b]

The AA-12 roared fire and obliterated the gaming device. When the young man uncovered his ears and looked down, his gaming device was no more.

"What the hell dad! I payed for that!" The young man complained.

"No! [i][b]I[/i][/b] paid for it! You ungrateful little shit!" The old man sneered back.

The young man recoiled back in surprise, he's never been spoke to like this!

The old man continued, "I've had enough of you! Pack your shit and leave this household! Now!" The old man pointed at the house and spoke with a very convincing tone.

The young man screamed a manly scream and ran back into the house, straight up the stairs and back into his bedroom. He threw his closet door open and quickly packed a backpack. As he walked back to the exit, his family greeted him.

"Wasn't nice knowing you." Spoke his tsundere little sister.

"Get laid bro." Spoke his slightly younger brother.

"Don't get killed out there." Spoke his exhausted mother.

"Later big bro!" Spoke his innocent littlest sister.

The young man cried at how adorable she was and scooped he up in a big hug. He sat her down and she skipped off, cheerfully singing of her pet dog and cat.

As the young man walked to the front door, his father appeared from the shadows and confronted him.

"Listen, son. I know I'm rough on you sometimes, and I know you're scared outa your wits right now. But . . "

The young man interrupted him, "But you'll let me stay and you'll buy me another SpS?"

The old man bursted into laughter, "Hell no boy! You gotta face reality! I'm getting old and your younger brother is in no shape to run this farm."

Both father and son took a peak at the little brother, he was picking his nose and occasionally shoving it in his mouth.

The old man looked at his son, "Look, you got the potential to be a great man, but you'll never realize what you are capable of by sitting on your ass all day masterbating to your fucking carrot games!"

The young man opened his mouth but closed it.

"It's time you leave the safety of your bedroom and talk to [i]real[/i] people! I'm going to give you 100 bits and I want you to find yourself a place to stay in Ponyville. And I don't want you coming back until you've got a job, a [i]real[/i] girlfriend! And a reputation!"

"O-okay, but one question!" The young man asked.

"What?" Replied his father.

"Where'd you get that AA-12?" The young man spoke.

"A fella wearing weird armor gave it to me, he praised my skills with firearms after I killed a bear that almost mauled him, then he showed me how to properly use it."

"Oh." Responded the young man.

"Now!" Cried the old man, "To send you on your way!"

The old man gave him a small bag that had 10 golden coins, each coin was worth 10 bits.

The man's father gave him a from shove, sending him out of the house and onto the front porch. The young man turned and tried to make his displeasure clear, but the door slammed shut after the man's father gave him a short smile.

The man stood there, surprised by the events that just transpired, his whole life just went to complete shit in a matter a 2 hours. He turned and sat on the porch steps, contemplating if he should leave or camp on the porch.

Moments later, he head his sister yell, "I get his room!"

Then he mother replied with, "Not before I thoroughly search his room for anything and everything!"

The young man jumped back up, a chill ran down his spine. He turned and looked at the window to his room, he quickly checked his backpack to make sure he packed his journal. . . He did.

He sighed and quickly left the premises, not too keen with sticking around to see what they find. Once he was a good distance from his homestead, he sat on a large rock and took inventory.

[hr]

2-Shirts

2-Pairs of pants

1-Pair of shorts

3- Pairs of undergarments.

2- Pairs of socks.

1-Long sleeve

1-Bottle of water

1-journal. . No Quill though.

1-Pocket Knife

[hr]

The young man sighed and clipped his pocket knife to his jeans. He stood back up, slipped the backpack back on, and set sail for Ponyville.

He walked for what seemed like hours, his home was a decent pace from Ponyville. Luckily, while he was outa shape, his younger brother refused to let him sit on his ass 24/7, so he'd force him to jog a bit.

But he was was still outa shape, he wasn't necessarily fat though, just skin and bones. He was pulled from his thoughts when a familiar female called out to him.

"Hey there Starlight! What are ya doin' out here by yer self?" A female bearing a Stetson appeared from behind a tree, her name was Applejack.

The man gulped and quickly admired the woman's body, all muscly and shit. He was quite jealous.

"Just, uh, going for a walk." The man lied.

"It's not nice to lie ya know." Applejack aimed her finger at him.

"Uhh." The man froze, his conversation's with real women never last this long!

"I've been kicked from my household for being a really lazy guy." The man forced out, then he blushed and looked away.

"Certainly the first time I've heard somethin' like that." Applejack thought for a moment.

"If what ya say is true, then go talk to a women named Twilight in Ponyville. She'll gladly help a fella out if ya mention me!"

The man's eyes started to glimmer, "You're serious!? You're not lying to me!?"

"Certainly not, ah'll tell ya what, if she rejects ya then ah'll return the favor by helping ya find somewhere to live." Applejack cheerfully grinned and gave the man a thumbs up.

The man suddenly had more confidence in fulfilling his father's wishes and earning his right to watch out for himself.

"Thanks Applejack!" The man hollered as he turned and ran off towards Ponyville.

He's perfectly capable of watching himself! He can get a job easy-peasy! And a girlfriend shouldn't be too terribly hard to get! He's a charming guy! He can swoon any girl with his stable personality!

Then he tripped, and face planted.

"But dad! I thought the man was going to get awesome super powers and do some random stuff!" Cried the little child.

A big burly man sat in a recliner overlooking a crackling flame, "So did I child, then reality kicked in. Turns out, the hero of our story actually wanted to make something legit out his adventure."

"But daaaaaad!" Cried the little child, "it's boring now!"

The man chuckled, "Then you're free to leave if my story disappoints you, I'm sure your other sibling would love to hear this story."

The child crossed his arms and let out a, "Hmph!"

The older man just chuckled.


	2. Chapter 2

When an author gets bored

Chapter 2

"The start of something beautiful."

Equestria-Ponyville

12:34pm

10 / 8 / 1857

Starlight Destructor

Starlight had a plan now, even if it wasn't fully fleshed out, it was a plan.

He only had to find a women named Twilight Sparkle and ask for her aid in making his father proud. He lacked the experience to do this himself, so hopefully this Twilight would be nice enough to name the cheapest hotel around.

That is, if this town even [i]has[/i] a hotel. Sure, he never left the safety of his home, but he knew the town never got that many tourists. It's a simple village after all, the only thing worth sightseeing is the Everfree Forest. But it's dangerous, and you're guaranteed to get hurt if you're not careful.

Starlight pushed the thought aside and walked into town, the dirt road branched off into 5 other roads. Applejack mentioned Twilight lives in the old Golden Oak Library, so that's his first goal.

Starlight followed the road, occasionally turning, eventually Golden Oak Library stood before him. He approached the big wooden door and pushed it open, he shouldn't have to knock since it's a public library.

The door creaked open and he stepped inside, the walls were shelves, and each shelf was positively filled with books. Starlight approached a shelf and pulled a book from it, it was about the latest games and their cheat codes. Upon reading about the [i]Carrot[/I] game, he face palmed, turns out, he could've just punched a couple buttons and instantly skip to the sex scene.

He peaked at a few more pages, trying to memorize a few more codes. The librarian walked in from her kitchen and looked surprised, the library NEVER got visitors. She walked behind the man, who seemed to not notice her, and peeked over his shoulder. She was quite curious as to what he was reading.

She followed his eyes and read what she believed he was reading, she wondered why a grown man wanted cheat codes to a child's video game. She backed up and coughed, catching the attention of the man.

Starlight jumped and quickly placed the book back on the shelf, he turned and smiled at the woman.

"H-h-hello." Starlight sputtered.

The women smiled and replied with, "Hello to you! Is there anything I can help you with?"

Starlight scratched the back of his neck, "You're twilight right?"

Twilight smiled and nodded.

"Your friend Applejack told me to ask you for help." Starlight looked away, too shy to look her in the eyes.

Twilights eye's narrowed, "Did she now? . . Well, I'll hear you out."

Starlight's face brightened up, "Really!? That's awesome!"

Twilight sighed, "As long as you don't ask for anything outrageous."

Starlight spoke with a renewed vigor, "I need you to help me make my father proud! He thinks I'm a failure and kicked me out of the house!"

Twilight gasped, "That's terrible! What kind of father calls their son a failure and outcasts him!?"

Starlight replied with, "My father! Moonlight Destructor!"

Twilight's face instantly reverted to neutral, "Wait, you're Moonlight Destructor's son? As in the Destructor farm?"

"Yeah, my father owns and runs his own farm, we're quite renown." Starlight bragged.

"Yeah. . . Besides having the most Ironic farm name, and having what the town calls the most 'Useless' child, I'd say you're quite renown." Twilight deadpanned.

Starlight raised a finger, but lowered it.

"So which son are you? Starlight? Or Starbright? I've heard you both look the same, but theres a large muscle difference." Asked Twilight.

The man gulped, "Uhh, Starlight."

"Ahh, the deadbeat." Replied Twilight.

Starlight felt a metaphorical arrow piece his chest, he frowned and looked away. Then a small flame within him sparked.

"That's why I want to change! And I can only do it with your help!" Starlight stepped forward and put a hand to his chest.

Twilight raised a brow, then smiled. "That's the kinda enthusiasm I wish my other male friend had."

Starlight stepped back in confusion.

Twilight looked surprised, "Surely you've heard of the man who fell from the heavens a few weeks ago! He's been the star of the town ever since!"

Starlight shook his head, his reply was a simple, "I don't get out much."

Twilight sighed and looked Starlight in the eyes, "Exactly what do you need me to do?"

Starlight grew a confident grin, "First, I need you to help me find a place to stay!"

Twilight replied with, "You're not staying here, the guest room is already in use. But I can help you get a room at a hotel or something."

Starlight asked, "Who's using the guest room?"

"Scott." Twilight replied.

"Is he the dude that fell from the heavens?"

"Yeah, now go west for about 5 minutes and you should come across a hotel called Sleepers Delight, it's a 3 star and each room costs 25 bits."

"You're not walking me there?" Starlight nervously asked.

Twilight scoffed, "You're a grown man, grow some balls and do it yourself."

Starlight laughed and snatched his neck, "O-of course! I was just joking! Hehe."

Twilight rolled her eyes, "Yeah, real funny. Is there anything else you need?"

"3 more things actually." Starlight held up 3 fingers.

"Alright, let me hear them."

"Okay, #1- I need you to help me get a job!"

Twilight nodded, "I can ask Pinkie or Applejack. If not, then you'll have to job search yourself."

Starlight nodded, "#2- I'll need you to help me get a girlfriend!"

Twilight shook her head, "I don't play matchmaker, you got two legs and a mouth, use it."

"Okay! Jeesh." Starlight mumbled, no luck there.

"And last but not least, I need a reputation!"

Twilight nodded, "Do you have a Mage-mark?"

Starlight nodded and pulled his sleeve up, revealing a tattoo forever attached to his skin.

"You any good with magic?" Twilight asked.

"I'm a novice. The only spell I really needed is Telekinesis." Starlight mentioned, letting go of the fabric and letting it recover the tattoo.

"Well, maybe I'll give you few fancy spells and have you slay some beasts from the Everfree Forest, it might even help you get a girlfriend, since women are attracted to danger these days."mTwilight rubbed her chin.

"It sounds much better than what I had!" Starlight added.

Curious, Twilight asked, "What was your plan?"

Starlight smiled and said, "Go to town, buy a axe, chop down some trees, and build a house!"

Twilight was surprised, "You can build houses?!" She asked.

Starlight sheepishly smiled, "Yeah, I helped my father build our current house and barn."

"What would you do after you build a house? Stay in it forever and ever?"

"That was the plan." Starlight replied.

Twilight sighed, "Okay, you should go book a room before it gets any later."

Starlight nodded and turned to leave. As he opened the door and stepped out, Twilight hollered.

"Come back tomorrow and we'll see about that job!"

Starlight looked back and smiled.

This was the start of something beautiful.

[hr]

Starlight ran outside in a hurry, accidentally running into a man. Starlight looked up and shrunk back in fear, a [i]very tall, very burly man, stood before him.[/i] The man was wearing a backpack just like Starlight, but he also had strange devices attached to his hip and thigh.

The man's clothing completely covered his body, his neck was slightly bulky, as if it held something inside. Starlight couldn't find it within himself to speak, so he ran past the man and then off into he distance.

The burly man grunted and walked inside the library, mumbling, "I'm back."


End file.
